Minecraft Survival Shorts
by GreatOverseer
Summary: Just a collection of very short stories taking a humorous swing at all things Minecraft. Rated T and wavering on the edge of M for: extreme language and a lot of very questionable things. Don't say I didn't warn you.
1. Endergirl is Sad

It was early morning in Minecraftia. The sun was shining, and inside the base of the Sky Army the newest recruit was sitting on her bed. She had just come there from a life of darkness and sadness, where she was bullied and abused. Her name was Shadow. Oh, and also she was a hybrid, except that in her case she was half-human half-Enderman. Her genetics had to choose which height she would be, and thus she discovered that she was the first one who could tell if it was going to rain.

Shadow sat on the edge of her bed, her skeletal left jaw clenched with the flesh-covered right one. She was very, very sad. It was the natural resting state of hybrids.

"Oh, what am I to do," she sighed dejectedly. "I've got the strength of a very fit Minecraftian and the teleporting powers of an Enderman, but it saddens me." She sighed again, this time with a slightly louder pitch.

Suddenly, Sky burst inside her room. He looked miserable.

"I have shocking and depressing news that will probably send you spinning into a gread sad whirlpool and cause you to start killing everyone," he gasped.

"Oh, just say it," Shadow cried.

"Your house exploded," Sky said. "And your carrots were ripped up by a sudden hurricane... and your parents had to move because they couldn't pay the rent, and I'm secretly turning into a squid monster (bugger that)... and... er... your chickens died of cancer! Yes, that's it."

Shadow got up off the bed and fell to her knees.

"Sorry," said Sky halfheartedly. "I had to find enough sad things to advance the plot. My apologies."

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shadow screamed into the sky above her that was blocked by the ceiling.

"Thanks girl," said Sky. "Hey, listen, I gotta go. Gotta find the next hybrid and tell her that her cat died from explosive..."

Shadow wasn't listening. She was a living bucket of angst and depression, and therefore too important in the story to listen.

-END-


	2. Limbo

Lady H'Rol browsed through the new fanfictions with the eye of a critic. It was sharpened to a point, so if any stories came under her radar that were, say, atrociously spelled she could impale them and incinerate them on sight. Her hands, the fingers covered in rings and the wrists adorned with bracelets, hung poised over her keyboard. Her face was set in a calculating look.

She brought her index finger down on one story, and selected an option from the menu.

"That's one report," she said to herself as she went back to the archive. "Let's see how many more I can rack up, shall we?"

She reported five more, all for similar offenses that were probably misinterpreted, and then closed out of her web browser.

As she did so, suddenly something quite alarming popped up over her screen, and she found that she could not close out of it.

"The hell?" said Lady H'Rol.

It was basically a pixelated swirly thing, with purple around the edges fading into deep black at the center. Lady H'Rol sighed. She had been expecting it from the moment she had gotten involved with the Minecraft fandom. In fact, near-everyone had expected something like this to happen someday.

"Don't tell me I'm getting sucked in," Lady H'Rol groaned. "Please, do not let me be trapped in this cliché! How will I survive?"

A face popped out of the portal.

"Er," it said, "I'm sorry. NightmareMobGlitchcraft exe just stopped working... hold on a mo." The face retracted. Lady H'Rol looked at the screen in puzzlement. NightmareMobGlitchcraft exe? That sounded clichéd as all hell, she decided. Lady H'Rol stood up from her chair and turned to walk out of the room.

"Wait!" said the face, popping back out of the vortex. Lady H'Rol turned and gazed at the face irritably.

"What could you possibly want now?" she snapped.

"I think," said the face, "I can temporarily patch up the exe file and let you enter. Want to do it?"

"Sorry, that will not be necessary," said Lady H'Rol, turning away again. And then she turned back, puzzled. Of course. She could enter into Minecraft (or at least this demented and twisted and oh-so-clichéd exe file) and fix it from the inside. She could fix all the pesky shipping arguments, disprove the legend of Herobrine, tear down the façade of Mob Talker and expose the mobs for what they really were. Lady H'Rol smiled and rubbed her hands together.

"Actually, I think I'll take the red pill," she said. "Rev up that file, cause I sure am hungry for one -"

The vortex twisted and spat purple sparks. Lady H'Rol was immediately vaporized and her atoms were vacuumed into the portal, which slid closed.

Lady H'Rol felt herself soaring through darkness. There was a high-pitched whine in the background, the whine of teleportation and of going new places. She laughed out loud at the thought of fixing the fandom. What a glorious thought!

As she thought this, the petulant voice of the face spoke out from all around her.

"I'm having some technical issues again," it said. "Hold on, can you wait a moment?"

And then she was stuck in place, unable to move, as the humming noise died away and she was left in the darkness of transition.

"Oh bugger," said the voice. There was a crackling of angry sparks.

Lady H'Rol knew what it was like being sucked into Minecraft, from the many supposed "eyewitness" accounts. But she never knew what it was like to be trapped in a seemingly infinite, timeless dark limbo between the real world and the digital. At least, she didn't until now.


End file.
